Dec 28, 2011

Worth It

I am in love with the song Closer by Philmont.

"...This is life
And I am passing through.
But this world has been caught lying
About what it is I'm here to do.
This is life.

It's mine to waste or use.
But it's time that I decided,

It's time for me to choose.
Cause who am I
That you would die to prove
That the worthless are all worth it.
The curse has been removed.
So this is life
And though I'm passing through
I wanna live as if I'm dying
Dying to get close to you."


Dec 23, 2011

My Christmas Carol Ramble

Honesty is scary.
Especially when you are trying to be honest with yourself.

What if you peer into your soul and don't like everything you see?

What if you catch glimpses of light that you never quite measured up to?

What then?

In August I posted a music video by Nick Vujicic. One line rings through my head frequently:

"Where do we go when hope runs out?
 When we're empty, when there's nothing left?"

As I was thinking about this, my Christmas station on pandora provided a timely answer, with the classic, "You Raise Me Up," sung by Josh Groban...

...When I am down, and oh my soul so weary. When troubles come and my heart burdened be. Then I am still, and wait here in the silence until You come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on Your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be.

There is no life--no life--without its hunger. Each restless heart beats so imperfectly.
But when you come and I am filled with wonder, sometimes I think I glimpse eternity.

Let those words sink in and they are liable to give you chills (good chills).

Switchup! (don't like that song...but the transition works ha)

In the classic Christmas Carol story with good ol' Scrooge and the gang, Scrooge finds out a heap of unpleasantries about himself.  

So he changed.

Yes, honesty with yourself--about what you really think, or want, or hope, or believe--seems scary. 

But when we factor Christ into the equation, change becomes possible. Hopeful, even.

We don't need to wait around for the ghosts of Christmas to tell us we need to change. For one, all of us can realize that we could change for the better, in some way. 
For two, life itself gives us so many moments that are silently challenging us to be better. Some moments bigger than others. Get-goin' moments.

Nobody's story is the same. We all have different choices to make. 
I believe there are absolute rights and wrongs that can guide these choices...
...but I increasingly see that how those rights and wrongs should be applied to real life is not so black and white.
Are we strong enough to make the right decisions? Are we wise enough to know what the right decisions are?  Maybe not on our own. Luckily, we are not alone. 
Christmas is a time for many wonderful things. The most wonderful part, of course, is a celebration of the fact that Jesus Christ was born. 

The Hope of the world.

We don't have to be alone, because He came. 

So I guess my own little Christmas Carol goes something like this:
There will be moments in life that quietly direct us to evaluate ourselves. We might be faced with all of the smallness and problems inside us.

We decide if we will be strong enough to overcome all that 
by deciding to align ourselves with our Advocate and Friend,
Jesus the Christ!


Dec 20, 2011

First Off

First off,
"first off" is a very peculiar way to begin a list. First off of what? I'm curious as to the origins of that phrase.

I just happened to notice that I blogged 11 times in November. Take a moment to soak in this unplanned awesomeness. 11 posts in the month of 11 in the year of '11.

yes, this list is breaking the grammatical law of parallelism. To those who noticed: have you ever heard that variety is the spice of life? To those who didn't notice: don't worry 'bout it.

if you have never visited, you should.

Charles Bukowski's poem "Be Kind" was not at all what I expected it to be, based on the title. But I liked it.

"we are always asked
to understand the other person's
no matter how
foolish or

one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
especially if they are

but age is the total
of our doing.
they have aged badly
because they have
out of focus,
they have refused to

not their fault?

whose fault?

I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their

age is no crime

but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted life

among so many


Wow, eh? 
(Tangent: sometimes people age badly for other reason than living their lives out of focus. Alzheimer's is what came to my mind.)
I think...hmmm. I think if we take this poem and use it as an excuse to judge others, we're no better off.
But it was a good reminder to me that, while we should try to respect other people and where they are coming from, that does not give us an excuse to stop striving to align ourselves with high ideals and morals.


Dec 19, 2011

Don't You Worry

Ok. Admittedly I've never been a huge fan of T-Swift (throw rocks at me later). But I really like a song I just heard by her called Ours.
Particularly this part:

"Don't you worry your pretty little mind,
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard.
The stakes are high, the water is rough
But this love is ours."

I think life makes a lot of things look hard.
Not surprising. Cuz life IS hard in so many different ways!
But some things turn out better than you ever could have hoped.

Not that those things are always simple.
But sometimes it feels grand to stop stressing about the details of how something will play out and enjoy what goes down along the way.

Easier said than done. But now and then,allow yourself to let it be easy.


Dec 16, 2011

Heap o' Livin'

Closed eyes. Deep breath. And...go!
That is how I know that the cutest old man where I work is about to recite a poem to me.
A favorite of his is by Edgar Guest, called "Home."
I think the fact that he tells it to me so often has endeared me to it.
Wanna share in this pleasure o' mine? :)

This is especially appropriate cuz I GET TO GO HOME AND SEE MY FAMILY (loved this semester...but yaaaaay for finals finally being finished.)

(Imagine a sweet, gruff centenarian voice)


"It takes a heap o' livin' in a house t' make it home,
A heap o' sun an' shadder, an' ye sometimes have t' roam
Afore y really 'preciate the things ye lef' behind
An' hunger fer 'em somehow, with 'em allus on yer mind.
It don't make any difference how rich ye get t' be,
How much yer chairs an' tables cost, how great yer luxury
It ain't home t' ye, though it be the palace of a king,
Until somehow yer soul is sort o' wrapped round everything.

Home ain't a place that gold can buy or get up in a minute;
Afore it's home there's got t' be a heap o' livin' in it;
Within the walls there's got t' be some babies born, and then
Right there ye've got t' bring 'em up t' women good, an' men;
And gradjerly, as time goes on, ye find ye wouldn't part
With anything they ever used--they've grown into yer heart:
The old high chairs, the playthings, too, the little shoes they wore
Ye hoard; an' if ye could ye'd keep the thumb marks on the door.

Ye've got t' weep t' make it home, ye've got t' sit an' sigh
An' watch beside a loved one's bed, an' know that Death is nigh;
An' in the stillness o' the night t' see Death's angel come,
An' close the eyes o' her that smiled,
An' leave her sweet voice dumb.
Fer these are scenes that grip the heart,
An' when yer tears are dried,
Ye find the home is dearer than it was, an' sanctified;
An' tuggin' at ye always are the pleasant memories
O' her that was an' is no more--ye can't escape from these.

Ye've got t' sing an' dance fer years, ye've got t' romp an' play,
An' learn t' love the things ye have by usin' 'em each day;
Even the roses 'round the porch must blossom year by year
Afore they 'come a part o' ye, suggestin' someone dear
Who used t' love 'em long ago, an' trained 'em jes' t' run
The way they do, so's they would get the early mornin' sun;
Ye've got t' love each brick an' stone from cellar up t' dome:
It takes a heap o' livin' in a house t' make it home."


Dec 6, 2011

A Blender Full of People

Many times I find myself amazed at how similar everyone is. 
We all struggle with similar emotions, whether we find ourselves as 

a (insert any label/description of a person)

a college student sitting on her couch typing this instead of her research paper (whaaat?)

Realizing our similarities can sometimes bring epiphany-like moments; you realize how silly all of your judgments are and can love people more!

It reminds me of a David Cook song that says,
"These scars we wear remind us
the more we change, the more we're all the same."

(I believe that. The more I grow up and change, the more I can love other people! I think part of that is because I understand them better. I get how they could make a certain mistake--cuz I've made it too now, or thought similarly.)


Though we are equally valuable (and we MUST remember that!) we are not all the same. 
And that is so great :)

The variety makes life so much better! 
Think of a beautiful salad.
Now mentally stick it in a blender.
This method will work if you're recovering from mouth/throat surgery, but let's face it:
the different parts make the salad great!

Reminds me of a poster I see a lot at school that says:
The whole is more than the sum of its parts.

(This poster has a picture of a rather unattractive butterfly. But we'll forgive it for the sake of its beautiful message.)

I am not the same as you.
But we can respect and appreciate each other despite that.
Heck, we can even enjoy the differences!


Dec 1, 2011


Happy December y'all!

I just came across an awesome idea!
(Via this blog:

This lady decided that on her birthday, she would do one random act of kindness for every year of her life.
For example, in this post, she turned 35 so took her kids around they did 35 intentional random acts of kindness.
How cool???

Sounds like a tradition I may just have to start. Thanks random blogging lady!

Of course, we should be kind all the time, but it is a cool idea to specifically plan that out. 

PS this song was free on itunes (yay) awhile ago, and I have been enjoying it quite a bit today. Tis both calming and motivating? 
(I didn't actually watch this video, so no guarantee, but the song is good!)


Nov 26, 2011


Thinking a lot about friends tonight. 
What to say? 

Ya know those friends who feel like extensions of your soul?
Physically, they can be near or very very far. 

I guess hard "goodbyes" can make very sweet "hellos" later.

But currently, I'm freaking out about hello and goodbye.

Being far apart?
Is it 
"absence makes the heart grow fonder" 


"out of sight out of mind"?

It can be both.

I have amazing friends. And I'm happy to say that I firmly plan on the former option for the fantastic people I love.

We all live our own lives, but the connections between our lives are powerful and meaningful. 

Outlet for this reflection on friendship? Skillet jam session. This song can seem a bit emo...but to me it just brings good memories of great friends.

Those Nights-Skillet

I remember when
We used to laugh
About nothing at all
It was better than going mad.

From trying to solve all the problems we're going through
Forget 'em all.

Cuz on those nights we would stand and never fall

Together we faced it all.
Remember when we'd

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In a dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive.

I remember when
We used to drive
Anywhere but here
As long as we'd forget our lives,
We were so young and confused that we didn't know
To laugh or cry.
Those nights were ours
They will live and never die
Together we'd stand forever.
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong with us.

I remember when

We used to laugh
And now I wish those nights would last.


Nov 18, 2011

Touch [life] again with immortality!

Holy cow! 
The more I read this poem the more I fall in love with it. 

Edward Markham wrote it after seeing a painting by Jean-Francois Millet:
The author has something to say about what he means ( I'll admit I didn't read very much of that. Long. Good though, I'm sure.)

As for what it meant to me? It shows human potential! Holy heck! 
We humans are meant to be more than what he is describing!
We are meant to enjoy "the rift of dawn, the reddening of the rose."
We are meant to "feel the passion of eternity"!!!
Ready for me to stop blathering and post the poem? Kdeal.

Edwin Markham, my friends:

The Man with the Hoe

"Bowed by the weight of centuries he leans
Upon his hoe and gazes on the ground,
The emptiness of ages in his face, 
And on his back the burden of the world.
Who made him dead to rapture and despair,
A thing that grieves not and that never hopes, 

Stolid and stunned, a brother to the ox?
Who loosened and let down this brutal jaw?
Whose was the hand that slanted back this brow?
Whose breath blew out the light within this brain?
Is this the Thing the Lord God made and gave
To have dominion over sea and land;
To trace the stars and search the heavens for power;
To feel the passion of Eternity? 

Is this the Dream He dreamed who shaped the suns
And marked their ways upon the ancient deep?
Down all the stretch of Hell to its last gulf
There is no shape more terrible than this --
More tongued with censure of the world's blind greed --
More filled with signs and portents for the soul --
More fraught with menace to the universe.

What gulfs between him and the seraphim!
Slave of the wheel of labor, what to him
Are Plato and the swing of Pleiades?
What the long reaches of the peaks of song,
The rift of dawn, the reddening of the rose?
Through this dread shape the suffering ages look;
Time's tragedy is in that aching stoop;
Through this dread shape humanity betrayed,
Plundered, profaned and disinherited,
Cries protest to the Judges of the World,
A protest that is also prophecy. 

O masters, lords and rulers in all lands,
Is this the handiwork you give to God, 
This monstrous thing distorted and soul-quenched?
How will you ever straighten up this shape;
Touch it again with immortality;
Give back the upward looking and the light; 

Rebuild in it the music and the dream; 
Make right the immemorial infamies,
Perfidious wrongs, immedicable woes?

O masters, lords and rulers in all lands,
How will the Future reckon with this Man?
How answer his brute question in that hour
When whirlwinds of rebellion shake the world?
How will it be with kingdoms and with kings --
With those who shaped him to the thing he is --
When this dumb Terror shall reply to God,
After the silence of the centuries?"

You are probably smart enough to figure out that I added emphasis to lines I liked, those aren't in the original poem haha.

How great is that??
If you don't think so, that's ok. Go find what inspires you, and be inspired!


Nov 16, 2011


Sorry. It's one of those double-post days.
But I just need an outlet to shout to the void that life is so good.

I have a long night of paper-writing ahead of me...

despite that, MAN life is good!

One of those 
                                "My heck, I'm a lucky gal"


Love this

Nov 15, 2011

Stick to the status quo (oh-oh-oooh )

I just got that High School Musical song stuck in your head, didn't I? Apologies. 

It popped into my head when I saw this:

"It is difficult, if not impossible, for most people to think otherwise than in the fashion of their own period."~George Bernard Shaw

How true, eh?? 
The High School Musical song suggests that people act/think the same to fit in and be cool. 

(Not saying that isn't a factor. But let's go further.)

A lot of the time I think people don't think differently because that's just how they think. (Waiting for someone to say "duh.") Challenging natural assumptions of life is difficult because...why would you think to challenge them? The thing about "natural assumptions" is that they are inherently "natural" haven't necessarily consciously decided to think that way. 

Think about it.

Because of this, I've found that I'm a lot more empathetic towards people I learn about in history classes who do stupid things. 
Not that I think they should do those stupid/terrible/biased/ignorant things. 
But I can see how perhaps their thinking was more natural than radical to them. Sometimes. Maybe?

How do you think differently than you currently think? 
By encountering different ideas?
Perhaps by coming up with new ideas?

This leads me to another quote, by Ralph Waldo Emerson. (This one happens to be printed upon a wall at work.)

"This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it."

What are the fashions of thought in our time?

Maybe identifying them can help us evaluate what we think (what we naturally assume?) and how we can move forward to make this time a very good one.

I just used the word "think" thirteen times. (Make that fourteen.) 
I think I think too much ;)



Nov 14, 2011


I have to be in the mood for the actual style of music...but I really love the lyrics of this song!
(I included the music video for two reasons: just in case you want to listen...and because I found the strangeness of the video quite humorous) :)

Dreamer, by Elizaveta

"I believe in fairy tales 
and serendipitous encounters.
Catch a tiger by the tail and make a wish, 

drink from the fountain.

I believe love will prevail, 

the path is clear for me to follow.
Shooting stars will leave a trail

for me to fill with joy and sorrow.

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide.
If you seek then you shall find.

Sun is setting in the west, 

hovers like a big balloon.
It follows me and beckons me, 

but I am staring at the moon.

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide.
If you seek then you shall find.

Torn and tattered from the fall 

and waiting to rise up again.
And I can feel it in my blood, 

I hold the future in my hand.

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide.
If you seek then you shall find.

I believe in fairy tales 

and serendipitous encounters"

(Creepy masked guy has some moves)


Nov 13, 2011

Join the Jollies

I had a fabulous mini-conversation the other day whilst at work (at an Assisted Living). I was told:

"When I was younger, I saw some old people who just sat around and were glum all day. Then there were others who kept cheerful and as busy as they could. 
Right then and there, I decided I'd join the jollies."

Haha! How great is that?! 

Another gentleman is always slipping people candy to thank them for their help, and looking for little ways to help out.

Awesome examples all around me help me see the kind of person I want to be!

For starters, I want to be the kind of person who...

...stops at lemonade stands
...shows appreciation for others' efforts (even when they are getting paid for it)
...finds a good balance between being productive and slowing down to have fun
...doesn't ever stop wanting to learn
...randomly decides to whip up fun treats to deliver to whoever open to new foods (gulp, seafood :P ) always looking for ways to be kinder
...etc, etc

The list continues, but those things stick out in my mind right now, based on awesome qualities I've seen in others lately.

Awhile ago, I realized if I want to be this kind of person when I'm older, I need to start becoming this person now! 

I want to join the jollies 


Nov 10, 2011

Nov 2, 2011

The Drumbeat Carries On

Have I ever confessed to you my love of Nickelback songs?

This world is so big. 
Possibilities are mind-blowing. A bit overwhelming? At times. 
But you gotta start somewhere!



Ends & Beginnings

FB status of Reese’s:

Which is better - the first or last bite of a REESE'S Peanut Butter Cup?

What an intriguing little question.


Nov 1, 2011

Hot Air Balloon

Ain't my little brother studly?
We found this awesome thing whilst wandering Ross haha!

"Life isn't about finding yourself,
it's about creating yourself."

Well said, random little sign.

(Also, the hot air balloons remind me of an owl city song: 
"We wrote a prelude to our own fairy tale...let's spend the afternoon in a cold hot air balloon....")

Happy creating, everybody!


Oct 22, 2011

People are awesome

I am surrounded by selfless people! 
They blow my mind everyday.

People at work,
Random people,



Oct 9, 2011

Pocket Full O' Sunshine and Benjamin

Happiness. What a smiley word,eh? :)

Drum-roll for this quote puh-lease:

"Moreover, Gentlemen, is it so evident that happiness, of whatever kind, is the only aim of mankind? 

If it were so, our course would be narrow indeed, and our destination far from elevated.

There is not one single one of us who, if he wished to abase himself, restrain his moral faculties, lower his desires, abjure activity, glory, deep, and generous emotions, could not demean himself and be happy.

No, Sirs, I bear witness to the better part of our nature, that noble disquiet which pursues and torments us, that desire to broaden our knowledge and develop our faculties. 

It is not to happiness alone, it is to self-development that our destiny calls us...."

That, dear friends, comes from Benjamin Constant's writing on liberty (which I came across whilst immersed in my American Heritage studies ha).

And I'd like to add that I think such self-development makes us happy in itself. 

Not everything we work towards we do simply for happiness (when you mean happiness to be a state of pleasure and contentment). Good things can be hard, uncomfortable, even distasteful!

Sometimes the happiness comes along the way while you are developing your self. Sometimes it comes in moments of relief from struggle. 

What makes you happy? (Slash who makes you happy?) Those are good things to put effort into. (Funny that we don't always associate happiness with work, but you become happier when you work at the right things.)

Just thought I'd share this nice tidbit from the 1700's!


P.S. Anyone like Wicked? "Happiness is what happens when all your dreams come true. Well, isn't it?" 


Sep 29, 2011

Decisions, decisions

Isn't it funny how we can simultaneously

resist the thought of other people/organizations making decisions for us AND

wish we didn’t have to choose?

We all live under laws/rules/commandments/whatever you want to call them. 
     Something telling you what is good to do.

These laws are often very specific about certain expectations. 
Do this. Don’t do that.

How strictly we interpret and live up to that law is often up to us. 

Which is great!

It doesn’t always feel so great :) When I am exasperated from struggling between two-or more-alternatives that seem attractive in their own ways, I find myself thinking that life would be easier if everything were spelled out for us.

What if I choose wrong and miss out on a great opportunity?

Well. I guess delaying decisions doesn’t help me take advantage of awesome opportunities, does it?

Definitely we should think things through before we make choices (usually. Ha! Some things are more fun when they erupt spontaneously)…but today I got a great reminder that CHOICES are fabulous!

They are well-worth the struggles we go through to make them.


Sep 24, 2011

HIGH High Heels

Ok, so shoes aren't SOOOOO inspiring. I guess.

But I love them :)

Let's start with the fabulous ones...

Yes. Oh yes.


Rainbow, woot woot.

Love the textures. And the colors. And the all-of-them

<3 <3 <3


I LOVE that the backs are colorful :)

And now for some crazy ones...

No arch! Cool!

Banana shoes :D

Llama face! ...or toucan...

Teacup shoes!

Playground shoes :D

Training wheel shoes!

Nike shoes. I think Sarah should wear these.

And now, for the grand finale of high heels...
Gum-stuck-to-shoe Shoes! 



Sep 15, 2011


Guess what?
People are important.

I know. In the grand scheme of things it is very easy to feel very insignificant. Admittedly, our sphere of influence is probably very small. But who said an influence had to be far-reaching or dramatic to be important?

In fact, if you think like that, it is a small jump to conclude that everything is purposeless and pointless. Sure, individuals play a role among mankind; what makes that important?  Who says the human race matters at all?

My opinion:
Don't go down that road. 

When we stop worrying about whether our efforts matter, and concentrate on working our hardest for what we believe is good (such as self-improvement and helping others), meaning and purpose finds its way into your actions and your life. 

I think it is good to evaluate (and re-evaluate) what we do, to make sure our motivations are good and the results we are getting match that purpose. If what you are doing is pointless, then it isn't worth pursuing. 

And now we're back to the beginning of the circle.

Is anything worth pursuing? 

I say yes. 

Maybe all we can do is try to step out of the circle. "Stepping out" meaning having the the courage (or faith, or however you want to phrase "it") to decide you believe something is important and working to secure/improve that. 

I'm rambling. (oops) :) 

So here is the nutshell:

When you believe that nothing matters, that thought can weigh on you til-in submission-you stop trying to work towards anything or you decide to purely pursue frivolous things. I think as we stop worrying about that,  we find out that there is purpose. 

People don't matter if you think in a worldly kind of logical way...yet they (meaning WE) are all that matter.  


Sep 14, 2011

All or Nothing?

Today I read a chapter from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's book "Flow" for one of my classes. The excerpt is good but if you don't have time for the whole thing, at least read the ending lines.

“One of the major functions of every culture has been to shield its members from chaos, to reassure them of their importance and ultimate success…Without such trust in exclusive privileges it would be difficult to face the odds of existence.

This is as it should be. But…an unrealistic trust in the shields, in the cultural myths, can lead to equally extreme disillusion when they fail. This tends to happen whenever a culture has had a run of good luck and for awhile seems indeed to have found a way of controlling the forces of nature. At that point it is logical for it to begin believing that it is a chosen people who need no longer fear any major setback…

When people start believing that progress is inevitable and life easy, they may quickly lose courage and determination in the face of the first signs of adversity. As they realize that what they had believed in is not entirely true, they abandon faith in everything else they have learned. Deprived of the customary supports that cultural values had given them, they flounder in a morass of anxiety and apathy.”

True? False? A bit of both?

Based on my experience last Winter I'd say it is true. 

I think the idea is important to hear.

When something is confusing, or not as certain as it used to be, that is not necessarily cause to abandon everything related to it. But I definitely believe it is reason to investigate and think more deeply about the matter. 


Aug 28, 2011


I'm really glad I got to live at home this summer; I love my family! They are all so fantastic :) 
(Don't let the rest of this thought cheapen what I just said.)


College town: traffic, figuring out what the heck to eat, walking to campus (and feeling older as the freshmen seem younger than in the past), incredible roommates, reorganizing your stuff, new goals, friends, spontaneously staying up way too late, cool classes, possibilities, etc. It is invigorating. 

(Random experience that made my day:) Whilst driving to Provo, I passed a middle-aged man on the freeway. He had his window down and was rolling the air around on his hand, enjoying the day. I smiled at him. He saw me and smiled back!
I kept driving, then I rolled down my own window, turned up my music, and grinned to the world. I was coming back!

Also, I took the cube test today. Ever heard of it?

-Tonight, I saw a zillion and three stars :) :) :)
-Tonight I saw the COOLEST CLOUDS (clouds fascinate me in a they-freak-me-out kinda way: they don't look real)
-And tonight the sky unleashed the craziest lightning/rain storm!
Have I ever mentioned that the sky is one of the most soul-stopping, awe-inspiring, heart-warming things in my life? 
In addition to being stunningly lovely, the sky makes a great canvas for your thoughts. Staring upwards somehow adds the touch of eternity to anything that is weighing you down, or simply drifting through your mind. 

(What is drifting through my mind at this second is that I need to get up for work in five hours and should probably go to sleep)