Jan 29, 2012


I saw this on a Valentine's Day card in Walmart:

      You'll just know.
That's what everybody said.
     When it's love, you'll just know.
For a long time
I never really understood
     what that meant.
I was always a little afraid
     that I might miss it
Or that maybe
     I already had."

"And then
     I met you.
Suddenly I discovered a whole new feeling
     in my heart that simply
     never existed before.
And it's love
     I just know.
Happy Valentine's Day."

Don't mock me ha, but I've thought about those words a lot.
Not just with love, with anything that people know.

I've felt those "I just know" feelings. When I decided to apply to go to Ukraine with UoU. When I've applied for certain jobs. Even when I decided to take Romanian. Kind of a why-the-heck-not-it-feels-so-perfect feeling.
Not all really significant things maybe. But maybe.

But I think many things aren't "just know" matters. At least not the whole of the matter.
Sometimes you have to decide to move forward or change course based on your best judgment.

This kind of reminds me of a post awhile ago...decisions, decisions.
Sometimes I wish most things were "just know" situations.
But if that were the case, I guess we wouldn't learn to work through things on our own, eh? Eh.


Jan 26, 2012


We humans are funny creatures.

We don't just do this with relationships, I think we do this with a lot of life.
Pretend it is easy.

Ya know what? Sometimes I think that is ok.
Forcing ourselves to look like we are enjoying life can lead us
to actually enjoying it.


Other times, we just need to stop pretending to be strong and find a good shoulder to cry on.

Which situations call for which reaction?
Force yourself to be strong or allow yourself to not be strong??

I think both are good in their own way..
Perhaps we just need to allow ourselves to do both


Jan 23, 2012

Closed Path

Closed Path-Rabindranath Tagore

"I thought that my voyage had come to its end
at the last limit of my power, that the path before me was closed,
that provisions were exhausted
and the time come to take shelter in silent obscurity.
But I find that thy will knows no end in me.
And when old words die out on the tongue,
new melodies break forth from the heart;
and where the old tracks are lost,
new country is revealed with its wonders."

Love this guy's name (can you get a cooler name?)
and quite enjoyed his poem.

P.S. I went star-hunting tonight. (Stars be scarce in Provo, you see)


Jan 19, 2012

Holding Place

Some things about life are hard to understand. Anyone agree?

Michael Wilcox gave a talk that addressed this subject quite beautifully.
He said
Life's experiences carve out a holding place in our hearts for the answers we seek.

Maybe the answers we are searching for aren't absent. Maybe we just can't understand or accept the answers in front of us. As life goes on and we learn more, life shapes us (carves our hearts) in a way that the answer can settle within us.

Absence of peace? Absence of satisfactory resolutions? Absence of understanding?

We should work at attaining peace, understanding, satisfaction, and happiness...
But in the meantime, we can be patient.
Perhaps we'll understand someday.

Perhaps right now life is working on carving out a holding place in our hearts.


Jan 18, 2012


This morning I read something rather magnificent.

Background: A man named Jairus has a daughter who is "at the point of death."
He asks the Savior to heal her, so they are headed to Jairus' house. While Jesus is talking to  a woman in the street, someone from Jairus' house tells them,

"Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further?"

"As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken,
he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue [Jairus],
Be not afraid, only believe."
Mark 5:35-36

You know the story. The girl lives!

Do you ever feel you are bothering the Lord about a lost cause?
Some roads feel like dead-ends.

Sure, sometimes the Lord is prompting us to pursue other paths.

But, we have to remember when we start to feel hopeless to
be not afraid, only believe. Trust God.

God is a god of miracles.

I think the classic Prince of Egypt song fits my thoughts very well :)

:) :)

Jan 17, 2012

For better or for worse

This is a really random post. You've been warned. 

Technology changes how we live.

Is that for better or for worse?
Probably both.

Better: with technology you can do practically anything virtually.

It isn't always the same thing though.

I had a class that talked about the "prana" of things. Meaning the life or essence of them. It was pointed out that technology can detract from the prana. Does that make any sense at all? 

For example:

Is wii tennis the same as a real match? (Don't ask why I used tennis as an example. I've sucked at tennis all three times I've played ha.)
Same motions, right?

Is looking at a picture of the sunset on the beach the same as seeing it for yourself in real life?

There is definitely a difference between reality and a virtual/simulation version.

Technology can often enhance our experience of reality though!
For examples, new inventions can bring better equipment
     (e.g. more efficient boats, more comfortable hiking boots, better guns, stronger climbing ropes, whatever)

Does that ever go too far for your taste?
(Does technology make things so easy that it takes the sport/challenge out of it?)

Where is your "technological line"?

Logical or not, one that comes to mind for me is reading books. I quite enjoy reading them non-technologically. 
(But! I love reading online for research-purposes. Research papers make me quite grateful that some books are online.)

I can't quite put my finger on why I like reading paper books. Holding the book? Physically turning the pages?


Like I said, random post. 


Jan 15, 2012


One of my favorite quotes ever is by Walter Bonatti:

"The mountains are the means.
The man is the end.
The *idea is to improve the man, 
Not to reach the top of the mountains."

*I've also seen this quoted as "The goal is..." Either way, the gist is the same. 

Eh, eh? Cool. Climbing the metaphorical mountains of life shapes who we become.

 I thought of that as I listened to Carrie Underwood's song "So Small."
Great song. If you haven't heard it, here you go (cool music video too):

I learned a new word today: desinence.

(No, it is not Romanian ha.) It is English for "a termination or ending, as in the final line of a verse."

I think it is a very pretty word


Jan 10, 2012


"Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth." 
Lillian Hellman

What do you think about that?

Ambrose Bierce saw it a little differently, describing cynics as
"blackguard[s] whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be."

I like that.

But yeah, sometimes I get caught letting the craziness of the past and the present cast a large and frightening shadow over the future.


Then I get a breath of fresh air: a reminder that life is good.
We aren't here on earth to fail.

Bad things happen. Dang.
But that isn't all of life.
With the proper perspective, we can realize that the bad stuff is not even the biggest part of life.


"They say bad things happen for a reason.
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding."
I think The Script put that quite excellently.

When you are facing your own struggles, your own failures, your own future
...hearing that life is good isn't going to take away the pain.

What will?

For me, relief often comes in moments when I realize that people can change.
That I can change.
That I should not expect failure.
     (That gets you into a whole mess of wrong-thinking and wrong-living.)

How things are now doesn't have to dictate how they will be.
Hope, eh?

We don't have to block out reality.
But we should notice the pleasant, lovely, funny, amazing parts about what is around us.
And we should realize that many more pleasant, lovely, funny, amazing things are still yet to be if we decide to see them. To work towards them.

Just some thoughts.


Jan 7, 2012

Break down to Build up

"I figured it out now, breaking's what the heart is for."

The other day I was walking home from class and the All American Rejects song "Breakin'" shuffled its lovely emo way onto my ipod.

Kinda funny--earlier that night, in my physiology class, our teacher was talking about breaking down muscles. You know, you work them and they are torn and they build back up. So you get stronger.
My phys teacher pointed out that cardiac muscle is no different--people who exercise (thus working their hearts) a lot are making their hearts stronger.

You are probably anticipating the easy connection I am about to make to life.

Things that push us to our limits--or past our limits--feel like they are tearing us apart sometimes.
We can decide to become stronger from situations that are hard.

Breaking's what the heart is for? That song didn't seem so emo when I connected that thought to becoming stronger.


I decided to take a Romanian class.

I realize that isn't exactly a commonly-needed language skill...but I can't tell you how excited I am!!!
It is ok if it isn't practical. It is fun and I love it already ha!

Guess what? You probably already know a Romanian song :)


Jan 4, 2012

It's Like Forgetting

It's like forgetting
The words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it,
You were always singing along.
~Regina Spektor

I feel like writing. But I don't really know what to say. I'm reminded of a quote I happened upon by Maya Angelou:
"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."

That's me right now. No answers. Just thoughts.


Jan 2, 2012

I'm awake! I'm alive!

(Ahem...skilletreferenceinthetitle. Yes. I heart Skillet.)

Ever heard the following quote?

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Howard Thurman

I first heard this and I loved it.
So true! There is so much to do in this world!
Where to start working?
Wherever you come alive!
Then I was frustrated by the quote. What am I so passionate about??  I dunno!

Maybe I still don't know what makes me "come alive," to say it poetically.
Ya know, maybe I'll never find one grand thing that I can throw myself into. But I'm ok with that.
Cuz I know lots of things that I love.
For now, I can pursue those things.

Life is crazy.
And beautiful.
"A vida e bela" as Autumn tells me (she leaves to Brazil TOMORROW, aah!).


Jan 1, 2012

Chinese Wisdom

A wise old Chinese sage (no, not from a fortune cookie) gave me some excellent advice today:

"If I've learned anything this past year or two it is that life never goes according to plans. We should still make plans but don't exactly stick to them if better options open up. Remember these words, little one."

You think I'm kidding about the Chinese sage calling me "little one," as if I'm an apprentice or something cool like that. Nope.

Life is kinda whirlwindish sometimes.
So what can we do about it?
That's a good thing to figure out.

Happy 2012!